Thoughts on the Cusp of Thirty

 
Well, here I am... sitting on the lounge and soaking up the last evening of my twenties.  I'm kind of excited about it.  (I feel like still being excited about your birthday is quite an un-thirtyish way to be... but I'm OK with it!)  I've celebrated a few thirtieth birthdays with my friends over the years, and it's often been described as both a "celebration and commiseration,"  Celebration because, naturally, it's a birthday, and a milestone at that.  Commiseration because, well, we're getting older.  Clearly older.  This is a whole new decade!

I can understand this.  Our society loves and celebrates youth.  Not only the wrinkle-free, rosy-cheeked appearance of youth, but also its attitudes and characteristics.  An intensity in living life; a ravenous exploration of the world and our place in it.  A vitality and energy in our pursuits.  The years ahead stretching out limitlessly before us, brimming with potential and possibilities.  Whereas, growing older seems to be marked by slowing down, the loss of energy and youthful beauty, and being gradually labelled as "old-fashioned", "out of touch"... no longer "cool" or "relevant," or any combination of these. *

"Don't get old," older people often tell me.  "There's nothing good about getting older."

So yep, I get it.  But I'm resisting.  In fact, I'm thankful for getting older.

...because each year is a gift from God.  The exact quote has escaped me, but I'll never forget Belinda Emmett (the actress who died at 32 of cancer back in 2004) saying that it was hard hearing friends complain of getting another year older, when she knew she may never get to be that age.  Every day, every moment, every year is a gift.  Even with the inevitable ups and downs, there are few people who deny that life is good.  A good gift.

...because, contrary to what so many voices tell us, there is much to be celebrated about age.  Our Western Aussie culture might have a love affair with youthfulness, but it has not always been so - and isn't so elsewhere in the world, even today.  In other cultures in our world (and in most cultures in the past), it is older people who are celebrated.  Youth is considered to make one irrational, immature, tempestuous, unreliable... still in need of teaching and discipline.  But age is respected.  Older people are considered to be wise, disciplined, experienced, and worthy of society's respect.  Without suggesting we flip society on its head (and I definitely think young people have a lot to offer!), I think there is a lot to be said for this view of age.  I have learned, and continue to learn, so much to learn from godly older people, who have lived through the ups and downs of life, and often have a stability, wisdom and experience which is hard to replicate in youth.

... and (most importantly), because this life isn't all there is.  I firmly and joyfully believe that there is life which goes beyond our life on this earth.  Everlasting life, which Jesus has secured for us by dying in our place, on a cross.  He died to defeat our great enemy, and the unspoken ally of human aging and decay of our bodies, Death.  In our insatiable desire for life on our own terms, we all ended up losing our lives.  No one escapes death.  But Jesus came to give life...  if only we believe it, and follow him.

In light of this, aging definitely loses its sting.  Don't get me wrong, times of grief still come, as we, and the people around us that we love, grow older, experience the decay of aging, and eventually die.  But what joy comes with the reality that even death is not the end for those who trust in Jesus!  And it gives a certain beauty to every moment, every day, and every year that God gives us life here on earth.

Another moment of enjoying the good gifts that he gives.
Another day of experiencing his daily mercy, grace and relentless love.
Another year of seeing a little more of the breathtaking and mysterious ways in which he is works - to bring about his kingdom, bring more people into his family, and make us, his children, look gradually more like Jesus.

I love God so much for this.  It's overwhelming sometimes to realise in just how many ways I still need to grow and change... but looking back over the last decade, I can see so much of his grace to me.  I can now see how he's guided me, even though I had no idea at the time!  I can see how much work he has actually done, in love and wisdom, and how he has grown and changed me, even if that work isn't finished yet...  and even though it's been painful at times, it is so worth it.

In this light, growing older gives me much more confidence, knowing that my life is in such safe hands.

And I wouldn't go back to twenty for anything.


*I'm aware that this paragraph is full of generalisations.  Apologies for that, but I definitely intended to speak only in generalities...  Every person is wonderfully different - young and old!

O Great God

It's been a tough couple of days.  Not because anything particularly nasty has happened; on the contrary, life has been pretty ordinary.  But, so often, I find it to be true that the deepest struggles strike in the ordinariness of the everyday.  For it's in the ordinary and unassuming times of just living life that the temptations of doubt, selfish desires and longings, and pride sneak in - almost unnoticed.  Before you know it, with the smallest thing, you're in a battle for your thoughts, your emotions, your soul.  Thank God that Jesus won the war, on that cross.  Thank God that he has given us his Spirit to work in and fight for us.

This is one of many reasons that I love worship music.  I love all kinds of music, but worship music (music we sing at church) is a precious and powerful gift from our loving, wise God.  He knows that we need to be constantly saturated with His words, to be reminded of his glory, and of his promises to us.  We need to be reminded of the gospel.

Tonight, this hit home as I played through a few older songs which we used to sing together at my church, but don't sing anymore.  In light of my recent (and regular) struggles with fighting sin and loving, trusting and rejoicing in Jesus, this one song was like a startling, hope-filled beacon of light across a stormy, turbulent sea.  It gave me a song to sing, and more than that, words to pray.  There's something incredibly beautiful about "prayer songs."  (I might have made that term up).  Songs which are basically prayers, and which we sing together as God's people.

This song is called, "O Great God."  It has an older, hymn-like style about it, and the lyrics are fantastic.  It's taken from Sovereign Grace's album, "Valley of Vision," named after a book of the same name, which is a collection of Puritan prayers.  The Puritans were guys who knew their God and his word, and who knew their own hearts.  Who had a way of articulating what we need to pray.

This is what I needed to pray today.  If you do too, sing and pray with me!

O great God of highest heaven
Occupy my lowly heart
Own it all and reign supreme
Conquer every rebel power
Let no vice or sin remain
That resists Your holy war
You have loved and purchased me
Make me Yours forevermore

Pondering the Year Past

Being the fourth of February, 2015, it might seem a little late to be writing about "the year that was" in 2014.  Admittedly, it is a little late.  But, in my defense, I feel like my 2015 butterfly is only now beginning to emerge from its cocoon. Like my 2015 kettle is only now coming to the boil.

Why?

Well, it's really a circumstance thing.  My husband and I have been in the process of selling our house, and buying a new one.  No simple undertaking!  The moments and days of January have been filled with emails, phone calls, inspections, budgets, loans, and forms - as well as preparing for a new year.  We move on the weekend.  Uni starts back two days after that.  Term One at church just started this week past.  It's been an exciting time.  And busy.  And distracting.  It's only now that my mind has been slowing down enough to reflect on 2014.  It was a lovely year.  Worth reflection, and some deep heavenward gratitude on my part.  It's also a nice way to dip my toes back into something that I've loved doing - typing away on this blog.

Overall, 2014 was a happy year.  Particularly after 2012 and 2013, which were more on the challenging side.  It felt like God was taking a wrecking ball to some pillars in my life which had to come down.  They were precious years, but difficult and draining.  In 2014, the sun came out.  God gave me some beautiful gifts to enjoy, and it was a time in life where, as we sing, "the world's all as it should be."  Life has a way of unfolding in twists and turns, and ups and downs, so before it continues to unfold much further, 2014 deserves some celebration.

So here goes.

Five Highlights of 2014:

5.  Community and Changing Churches.
At the end of September, I started going to a different church.  Well, it's actually another campus of the same church but, since I'd been going to the same church for the last seven years, the move still felt significant.  (Although, amidst getting married, being in first year at bible college and planning to move houses, it kind of just blended into one of many changes!)  There have been challenges mixed in, such as missing people I don't see as much, and needing to find my place in a new church... but it's overall been an exciting and lovely change.  For lots of reasons - not least of all seeing Josiah settle into his new role there - but one thing that's stood out in my mind is a heightened awareness of, and appreciation for, community.  People in the old campus expressed real love and care as I said goodbyes, and some have been intentional about keeping in touch, praying for us, and maintaining the relationship.  People in the new campus have been welcoming, loving, friendly, and keen for us to be part of their community.  I also felt enveloped by the warmth of relationships and mutual joy in everything surrounding our wedding.  As human beings, we so need one another (even those of us who find it easy to be alone), and it feels so right when it's done well.  For we have been designed this way by our community-minded God.

Noticing this has definitely been a highlight of 2014, and I've been so enjoying being in community - with my beautiful family, friends, church family, college, work... etc. 

I've also been watching a lot of the sitcom, "Community".  Such a good show.

4.  Music.
It's been a fun year of music!  From the start of the year, I continued in the morning music team at church, to my great delight.  It's such a joy to play music with such a talented bunch of musicians, who loved singing and playing to God's glory and praise every Sunday.  I stepped back from this team the week before our wedding, as Josiah and I were moving churches once we were married, and it was a source of very real sadness at the time.  It's hard to give up something you love.  But it can be good for the soul, and even in little things like that, you learn to trust and thank God more.  And happily, I ended up joining the music team at our new church - which is also full of talented musos who love God and creating music for him and his church!  Pretty brilliant.

I also got to go to some very cool gigs this year. The main ones being:  Bluesfest, Keith Urban (a surprise present from Josiah - yeah!!), James Vincent McMorrow, and Passenger.  (Passenger was in January, but he was amazing, and for the reasons given at the start of the blog, I'm counting it.)

3.  Growing Up.
It's really not so bad, growing older.  Sure, you lose some physical beauty which comes so naturally with youth... but in light of gaining life experience, lessons learned, greater understanding of who you are, and seeing with more clarity God's goodness, guidance and love over the course of life thus far, it is a really good exchange.  This has been a realisation which has been slowly dawning on me, especially through 2014.  One specific thing I've loved is the joy of relationships with younger women - some of whom I've known since they were in early high school, and being able to share and talk with them in a deeper and more understanding way, because I've so often been through what they're going through now.  I sure as heck don't have all (or even many of) the answers...  but I love watching these younger ones grow into adulthood, to see them trust Jesus, to see the journey that God takes them on, and to be humbled that I sometimes get to play a part in their journey.  It's nice to be an older woman to some people.  I like it.

2.  Loving Theological College.
Studying at Queensland Theological College this year has been awesome!  There is simply no more appropriate word.  My brain and heart have been bursting at the edges from all that I've had the opportunity to explore and learn.  I've spent significant time with almost every book in the Bible.  I've wrestled with Greek, explored the past world of the Reformation, had some concepts of who God is blown apart, and had a crack at preaching.  Admittedly, it has been a little like taking a peek behind what looked like an unassuming wooden door, and realising that it's actually a hollowed-out mountain, with more rabbit trails, rooms, and nooks and crannies than you could ever find, let alone explore.  There is so much I don't know, and will likely never know.  But I love what I have learnt in 2014, and am keen to squeeze every drop that I can manage out of the next two years.  I've also loved the community at college.  The lecturers are as approachable and interested in students as they are knowledgeable.  We gather for chapel every week, to sing, pray and be challenged and encouraged by God's word.  We get to do a bit of life together with people we might otherwise never have met.  Such a highlight of the year.

1.  Josiah.
I was blessed to celebrate the beginning of 2014 in Sydney, watching the New Year's Eve fireworks with my darling boyfriend, Josiah.  In April, on the beach, as the sun reluctantly retired behind the Byron Bay hills, I became his fiance.  In September, his wife.  Our wedding was a sunshiny, happy day, which felt as normal as it did special - part of what made it precious.  And, after a bit of valuable theory, we've been involved in the practice of being married for the last five months.  It's been such a sweet journey.  It's not always easy, and we're still learning the art of loving well.  But how thankful I am to God that I have a husband who is godly, kind, strong, handsome, thoughtful and fun... one who loves me (emotions, insecurities and all), and who, above all, truly loves Jesus.  I've learnt a lot about the gospel, and about how incredible God's love is, through being married to Josiah, and I'm so looking forward to continuing the journey.

So that's 2014 for me.  For the record, there were plenty of struggles too... I've definitely focused on the highlights!  But I thought they were worth the airtime.

If you can think back that far, what were your favourite bits of 2014?