Pondering the Year Past

Being the fourth of February, 2015, it might seem a little late to be writing about "the year that was" in 2014.  Admittedly, it is a little late.  But, in my defense, I feel like my 2015 butterfly is only now beginning to emerge from its cocoon. Like my 2015 kettle is only now coming to the boil.

Why?

Well, it's really a circumstance thing.  My husband and I have been in the process of selling our house, and buying a new one.  No simple undertaking!  The moments and days of January have been filled with emails, phone calls, inspections, budgets, loans, and forms - as well as preparing for a new year.  We move on the weekend.  Uni starts back two days after that.  Term One at church just started this week past.  It's been an exciting time.  And busy.  And distracting.  It's only now that my mind has been slowing down enough to reflect on 2014.  It was a lovely year.  Worth reflection, and some deep heavenward gratitude on my part.  It's also a nice way to dip my toes back into something that I've loved doing - typing away on this blog.

Overall, 2014 was a happy year.  Particularly after 2012 and 2013, which were more on the challenging side.  It felt like God was taking a wrecking ball to some pillars in my life which had to come down.  They were precious years, but difficult and draining.  In 2014, the sun came out.  God gave me some beautiful gifts to enjoy, and it was a time in life where, as we sing, "the world's all as it should be."  Life has a way of unfolding in twists and turns, and ups and downs, so before it continues to unfold much further, 2014 deserves some celebration.

So here goes.

Five Highlights of 2014:

5.  Community and Changing Churches.
At the end of September, I started going to a different church.  Well, it's actually another campus of the same church but, since I'd been going to the same church for the last seven years, the move still felt significant.  (Although, amidst getting married, being in first year at bible college and planning to move houses, it kind of just blended into one of many changes!)  There have been challenges mixed in, such as missing people I don't see as much, and needing to find my place in a new church... but it's overall been an exciting and lovely change.  For lots of reasons - not least of all seeing Josiah settle into his new role there - but one thing that's stood out in my mind is a heightened awareness of, and appreciation for, community.  People in the old campus expressed real love and care as I said goodbyes, and some have been intentional about keeping in touch, praying for us, and maintaining the relationship.  People in the new campus have been welcoming, loving, friendly, and keen for us to be part of their community.  I also felt enveloped by the warmth of relationships and mutual joy in everything surrounding our wedding.  As human beings, we so need one another (even those of us who find it easy to be alone), and it feels so right when it's done well.  For we have been designed this way by our community-minded God.

Noticing this has definitely been a highlight of 2014, and I've been so enjoying being in community - with my beautiful family, friends, church family, college, work... etc. 

I've also been watching a lot of the sitcom, "Community".  Such a good show.

4.  Music.
It's been a fun year of music!  From the start of the year, I continued in the morning music team at church, to my great delight.  It's such a joy to play music with such a talented bunch of musicians, who loved singing and playing to God's glory and praise every Sunday.  I stepped back from this team the week before our wedding, as Josiah and I were moving churches once we were married, and it was a source of very real sadness at the time.  It's hard to give up something you love.  But it can be good for the soul, and even in little things like that, you learn to trust and thank God more.  And happily, I ended up joining the music team at our new church - which is also full of talented musos who love God and creating music for him and his church!  Pretty brilliant.

I also got to go to some very cool gigs this year. The main ones being:  Bluesfest, Keith Urban (a surprise present from Josiah - yeah!!), James Vincent McMorrow, and Passenger.  (Passenger was in January, but he was amazing, and for the reasons given at the start of the blog, I'm counting it.)

3.  Growing Up.
It's really not so bad, growing older.  Sure, you lose some physical beauty which comes so naturally with youth... but in light of gaining life experience, lessons learned, greater understanding of who you are, and seeing with more clarity God's goodness, guidance and love over the course of life thus far, it is a really good exchange.  This has been a realisation which has been slowly dawning on me, especially through 2014.  One specific thing I've loved is the joy of relationships with younger women - some of whom I've known since they were in early high school, and being able to share and talk with them in a deeper and more understanding way, because I've so often been through what they're going through now.  I sure as heck don't have all (or even many of) the answers...  but I love watching these younger ones grow into adulthood, to see them trust Jesus, to see the journey that God takes them on, and to be humbled that I sometimes get to play a part in their journey.  It's nice to be an older woman to some people.  I like it.

2.  Loving Theological College.
Studying at Queensland Theological College this year has been awesome!  There is simply no more appropriate word.  My brain and heart have been bursting at the edges from all that I've had the opportunity to explore and learn.  I've spent significant time with almost every book in the Bible.  I've wrestled with Greek, explored the past world of the Reformation, had some concepts of who God is blown apart, and had a crack at preaching.  Admittedly, it has been a little like taking a peek behind what looked like an unassuming wooden door, and realising that it's actually a hollowed-out mountain, with more rabbit trails, rooms, and nooks and crannies than you could ever find, let alone explore.  There is so much I don't know, and will likely never know.  But I love what I have learnt in 2014, and am keen to squeeze every drop that I can manage out of the next two years.  I've also loved the community at college.  The lecturers are as approachable and interested in students as they are knowledgeable.  We gather for chapel every week, to sing, pray and be challenged and encouraged by God's word.  We get to do a bit of life together with people we might otherwise never have met.  Such a highlight of the year.

1.  Josiah.
I was blessed to celebrate the beginning of 2014 in Sydney, watching the New Year's Eve fireworks with my darling boyfriend, Josiah.  In April, on the beach, as the sun reluctantly retired behind the Byron Bay hills, I became his fiance.  In September, his wife.  Our wedding was a sunshiny, happy day, which felt as normal as it did special - part of what made it precious.  And, after a bit of valuable theory, we've been involved in the practice of being married for the last five months.  It's been such a sweet journey.  It's not always easy, and we're still learning the art of loving well.  But how thankful I am to God that I have a husband who is godly, kind, strong, handsome, thoughtful and fun... one who loves me (emotions, insecurities and all), and who, above all, truly loves Jesus.  I've learnt a lot about the gospel, and about how incredible God's love is, through being married to Josiah, and I'm so looking forward to continuing the journey.

So that's 2014 for me.  For the record, there were plenty of struggles too... I've definitely focused on the highlights!  But I thought they were worth the airtime.

If you can think back that far, what were your favourite bits of 2014?

Music Monday #5: In Wonder

This song is definitely an oldie but (I reckon), a goodie.  I'd almost forgotten this song existed, but have just rediscovered it in the last week or so (thanks Spotify!)  

I love the Newsboys.  Unashamedly.  I can't help but be drawn to their pop-rock sound, and Peter Furler's distinctive vocal tones and fantastic energy!  But most of all, I love their lyrics.  I love the way they use new, thought-provoking words and imagery to express gospel truth.  

There are so many Newsboys songs worthy of a blog feature.  But, as I said, this is definitely the one that has made a happy home in my head and heart - at least at the moment... 

"In Wonder".

It's a song that ponders the overwhelming magnificence and beauty of the world around us.  Rejoices in all that God's hands have made, and the way that all creation is drawn to stand in wonder at the God behind it all.  Songs about the wonder of the universe have always struck a chord with me... God of Wonders, Indescribable, Psalms 8 and 104...  I find it pretty easy to look at this incredible planet and out into the atmosphere, and stand in awe of the God who made it all.  (I'm probably not unusual in this!)  But more that that, I love "In Wonder" because it doesn't stop there - at a God who makes pretty things... even if they're big and amazing pretty things!  It points out that the God who is so stunningly powerful and imaginative to have made all this, actually cares about us - to the point of sending his own dearly-loved son to rescue us from the mess we've made.  He gets his hands dirty in his own creation, even though he has never been obliged to.  Such is his glory, mercy and love.  

Whenever I hear this song, and am reminded of these truths, I want to stop whatever I'm doing, and join in as all creation sings in wonder... every sea, every creature, every star!  God is worthy of our songs, and I'm thrilled to be one of the many voices which belong to him and sing with love to him.  

Will you join me?  

(Even if you're not a fan of this particular song! Great as they are, you sure don't need the Newsboys, or any band, to worship God...)

Such a wonder... ordering time and tide

Such a wonder... bridging the great divide

I consider all that you had, all you gave

All that you endured from this rebel world

What a wondrous cross you chose to bear

What a wonder you would even care

Refined Through The Flame

This has been a hard post to write.  To be honest, even now, it seems a near-impossible task to choose the right words for all that has happened.  But I'm going to try, knowing that it won't be perfect, and that's OK.  And that how we feel about our experiences, and what they teach us, continues to grow and evolve with the passing of time.

As my last post indicated, our time in Nepal as a team had been wonderful.  Filled with old and new relationships, being greatly encouraged and challenged by the faith of our Nepali brothers and sisters in Christ, as well as the missionaries over there, and absolutely overwhelmed by their open arms in sharing their lives with us, both the joys and the struggles.  We had our eyes opened to life in a culture significantly different from our own, and were able to see even a glimpse into the amazing things God has been, and is, doing in Nepal - particularly over the last 60 years.

We also grew very close as a team.  We shared jokes (so many!), songs, sickness, tiredness, stories, food, games, thoughts, encouragements, fun... we shared life.  Trips like this can be such a joyful, intense experience of closeness and shared experiences.  This was certainly what we found!  I found myself growing so sad to leave Nepal once again. Sad to stop living with the people in our little short-term team that I'd so grown to love.

We'd had a week in Surkhet and a week in Pokhara.  On January 13th, the five of us hopped onto a mini-van for our trip back to Kathmandu, where we'd spend a few days, and then back to Australia.  It had been a good trip!  Everyone was feeling well, and we were taking photos, laughing, singing songs and having little naps.  But at around 3pm in the afternoon, our mini-van was hit by a bus coming in the opposite direction.  It hit the right side of our vehicle, just behind the driver's seat.  Two of my friends on the team were seriously injured, and one of my friends died.

The few brief moments after the impact are still so clear to me.  A huge smash of glass, followed by a confused and almost eerie silence.  The engine had stopped, so suddenly.  No one was crying out.  It was only when I spun around to my right, to try to even work out what had just happened, that I started to realise.  From that moment, there was a lot more noise and chaos, and by God's grace alone, surrounded by his provision and his arms of comfort, we were somehow able to get through the strange, grief-filled, unreality of the next five days. 

It's hard to put words to the events, thoughts and emotions of the last five months.  Deep sorrow at the loss of our beautiful, sweet, dearly-loved friend.  Yet knowing comfort, peace and a deep, rich joy in the certain knowledge of where she is.  Sharing what would have been her 24th birthday with her family, really struggling with the fact that I was there and she wasn't.  Sadness in watching my other friends on the team come to terms with their injuries - physical and emotional... yet such thankfulness and encouragement at their strong faith in their Saviour.  Weird feelings of sadness and guilt that my life has somehow returned to being mostly "normal" after all that's happened.  Knowing that her beautiful family still deeply feel the absence of their treasured daughter and sister every single day.  Feeling like every day I now live is on borrowed time... then realising I've been living on borrowed time all along. I just know it now.  Knowing in a much more visceral way that God is in control.  All things are in his hands... and he loves us.  I've seen anew the power of prayer.  God hears, and answers.  We've felt God's arms around us, comforting us, and reminding us of who he is.  And he is good.  

Unspeakably, unceasingly good.

But I think the biggest thing I've learnt is the gospel.  All over again, and so much deeper.  This is a sad world, broken by sin... and none of us knows the number of our days.  My friend was beautiful, smart, kind and full of promise.  We all feel deep down that death is wrong.  Horribly wrong.  But that is why Jesus Christ came, lived, died for us, and rose again.  And because he is risen, my friend who trusted in his name alone, is with him right now.  She's with Jesus, free of sorrow, pain and suffering, and will be forever and ever.  This is why we tell people about Jesus!  This is the beauty and hope of the gospel.

We sang Brooke Fraser's "Desert Song" a lot on our trip.  Not everyone on the team even knew it at the start, but it seemed to become a really special song for us.  I'll always remember my friend's sweet voice singing it.  We were singing it together in a hospital room a couple of days before heading back to Australia...  It was emotional, but we were reminded that, as children of the living God, "this is our prayer in the fire; through weakness or trial or pain - there is a faith proved of more worth than gold.  So refine me Lord, through the flame."  

It's exactly five months today since the accident.  

Sending you our love, my precious friend, and sister in Christ.  We all miss you so much, and will always remember you.  I'm so thankful to God for you, and all he did in and through you.  I am so looking forward to the day when I see you again.

All of our lives, in every season, he is still God, and we have a reason to sing... 

we have a reason to worship.  

We really do.

A Week In Nepal

How that week has flown!  It's hard to believe that we've already been in Nepal for just over a week.  Yet, at the same time, I feel like we've been here forever.

We spent the first week in Surkhet - a district in the hills of Western Nepal.  We had the opportunity to see around the INF clinic, which specialises in treating and rehabilitating patients with leprosy, as well as disabilities, particularly spinal cord injuries.  Many Christian Nepalis work there, as well as a few expats.  Leprosy treatment and rehabilitation is a long road.  Often there is permanent damage, including loss of sensation and nervous function, as well as damage particularly to the hands and feet when people with leprosy continue to function despite loss of sensation.  INF does a fantastic job of rehabilitating patients. After and during the long months of antibiotic treatment, people are taught to care for their hands and feet - including how to soak them daily, and check them over for ulcers or other damage, as early detection makes a huge difference.  The clinic also has a small room set up like a typical Nepali village house, so patients can practice learning to cook and do household work again.  They are also taught handicraft and other skills, so they are able to run their own small business selling things, so they can have an income again.  Sometimes, it must just seem like such small, slow achievements, but it makes all the difference to a life - to a person, a family and even a community.

There's a little board on the wall in the office at the INF clinic, where a few of the staff members have shared stories that have touched or encouraged them.  One of the staff members shared a story of a man with a high level spinal cord injury, who had been told he wouldn't be able to work or live without assistance again.  After long years of physio and rehab treatment, he was finally able to start doing things, including feed himself and work with his hands and arms.  He started to cry at breakfast one morning, and this staff worker asked why.  He answered, "I never thought I would be able to eat like this again.  Thank you so much, sister!"  The staff worker commented that in Nepal, the little things can mean EVERYTHING.  I think we've seen a lot of truth in that..

Something else that has been really encouraging is to see the community response to Christians, even out in more remote areas.  Nepali people have been referred to the INF clinic by their friends because "they are Christians, and they will listen to you and take care of you".  There is a reputation of care and compassion - even when there's not much that can be offered in a health sense - non-Christian Nepalis are seeing and responding to this.  Praise God!

We've also had the wonderful opportunity to attend a devotion/Bible study at the clinic, youth group on a Friday afternoon, a ladies Bible study/prayer meeting and a small Nepali village church on Saturday.  These have been precious times of fellowship with brothers and sisters in Christ, despite language and cultural barriers. Maybe even more special because of it. At all of these Christian gatherings, one or more of our team was invited to share a testimony. Their desire to share their lives and stories with us, as well as wanting to hear stories of how God has been working in our lives has been really touching and encouraging for our whole team. I remember a blog post on my church's website following a similar short-term trip, about the beauty and value of "mutual encouragement". That's been a really significant experience for us, and we're so thankful to God for the way that he enables and works through his worldwide church that that might happen, for his glory.

Thanks for all those faithfully praying for us! Thankful for your partnership with us. Much love to you all!

P.S. Would love to upload some photos! Just can't work out how. Hopefully soon!

Nepal-bound.

In a few short hours, a small team of us will be flying to Nepal for a CMS GoExplore short-term mission trip.  CMS runs a few of these GoExplore trips each year, to a gradually increasing number of countries.  The purpose of these GoExplore trips is multi-faceted...  but they provide the opportunity to visit another country, to see what local ministry looks like, to get a feel for what it's like to live, work and serve in a different culture, to help you consider whether or not you could serve long-term in a cross-cultural context, to serve, encourage and help wherever possible, and maybe most of all, to be challenged and changed, and to personally grow in light of what God is doing amongst our brothers and sisters who may have a different language, culture and lifestyle. In a nutshell.

You can check out what CMS is about here.

So, we are the team going to the beautiful country of Nepal!  Five of us are going... and all getting pretty excited by now!!  I lived in Nepal for six months from August 2011 until February 2012, and I am so unbelievably thrilled to be heading back.  I still can't quite believe I have the opportunity to return so soon. Thank you God.

You may be asking, "so, what will you be doing over there?"  Excellent question.  I'll update what we get up to on this blog throughout the trip.  But it sounds like we'll have the opportunity to see and get a little involved with a few different things, including church-related activities, investing in relationships, checking out some of the health and development work going over there, and a few other things.  More to come...

For much of the time, we'll be doing most things alongside expatriate cross-cultural workers who work under an organisation called the International Nepal Fellowship (INF).  I had a lot to do with INF last time I was in Nepal, and they're a fantastic organisation, founded on solid Christ-centred principles, and with a real heart to see God glorified and people cared for in the name of Jesus.

You can check out what INF is about here.

INF have published a series of videos, which give a snapshot of some of the work that they're doing in Nepal.  Here's just one beautiful, touching story:

We leave late tonight from Brisbane International Airport.  If you'd like to pray for us, please pray that God would go before us throughout our trip, that we might be humble and teachable; ready to listen, learn and change as God grows in us his heart for the nations and the lost.  Also that we might shine the light of Jesus, wherever we are and whatever we're doing!  Also please pray for the work of CMS, and INF.

Hope you all have a great Saturday night!  Now, as one of my friends described it:  to the land of mountains and lentils! 

Beauty, Truth and Music

Do you ever have times when you feel like you've lost all confidence in who you are?  When you feel hopeless and defeated in the battles you're trying to fight - and start to feel the ache of doubt and fear that you are really accepted or loved... or even worthy of love?

I do.  It can be tough.  But the beauty of trusting in Jesus is that I am accepted and loved and worthy.  And this acceptance and love and worth is not because of me or anything I've done, it's because of what Jesus has done on the cross.  Which never changes.  However I'm feeling, or however much I mess up.  If it depended on me, what a shaky roller-coaster ride my salvation and assurance would be!  What joy and peace lies in knowing Jesus is the solid, unchanging basis of my worthiness.  Yet how easily I seem to forget even this incredible truth, in the midst of my failure, weakness and emotion.  So, I'm incredibly thankful for the Bible, for times of prayer, and for the counsel of good friends - all of which remind me of what the truth is.

Lately (and always!) I've also been finding music an incredible reminder of where my hope lies, and a way ti have truth living in my heart day-to-day.  Thank you, God, for artists who evidently share my very same struggles, thoughts and battles, and write music about them... and whose songs remind us of the Truth with which we fight these battles, and that we already have victory, because of Jesus.  Jason Gray is one artist that I absolutely love, for so many of his songs deal with the struggles I find myself in over and over again.  This song is really precious to me at the moment.

Tell me once again who I am.

The Practice of Art

"I can't draw!"

How often have you heard this phrase spoken by anyone beyond their primary school years?  Whenever the topic of drawing or painting comes up, I invariably hear this.  (Frequently, from my own lips.)  I've certainly never felt like I was particularly talented in the area of visual arts.

But I was challenged about this recently.  The comment was made that adults will often say that they can't draw... but in fact, it truly is a learnable skill.  Any primary school child can draw!!  Particularly in the early years, that's just what they do; it's how they express themselves.  But as the school years progress, we start to use primarily words and numbers...   Pursuing visual art and music etc is a choice made by but a few - presumably the artistically interested and skilled.  Yet, like most things, drawing and painting can and need to be practised... and they can be learned.  In fact, exercising creativity in this way engages different parts of the brain and helps to keep the brain active, as well as being a pretty cool form of relaxation and leisure.

I've also been convicted of the importance of having the humble confidence to just try it... and to not be crippled by fear and pride, sometimes to the point of not even feeling able to start!  With art (similarly to most things in life), you'll make mistakes; some drawings will look ridiculous and, most likely, make people laugh.  You may never be as good as others, or as good as you'd like.  This always gets harder as we get older... we're adults now, and we like to pick things up right away.  We don't like feeling like children... like beginners.  But I think that's part of the value of pursing things like this - being willing to learn and grow.  Being willing to set aside our need to look competent.  We can then learn to explore things, to exercise abilities God has given us, to be creative, and to enjoy the world God has placed us in.

So.  On the weekend I pottered down to the beautiful, familiar waterfront near where I grew up and still live today - and I gave it a crack.  And yep, definitely made me laugh!  But I loved doing it.  Solitude by the bay;  relaxed yet focused.  It made me pay attention to the small everyday details around me like never before (although you wouldn't think it from the accuracy of the final result!!)  And I think paying attention is something that has real value.  Anyway, here it is...  to encourage others to have a go!  Do it.

You can get cheap art supplies at Crazy Clarks.

Enjoy.

EXACTLY THE SAME.  ;)