Refined Through The Flame

This has been a hard post to write.  To be honest, even now, it seems a near-impossible task to choose the right words for all that has happened.  But I'm going to try, knowing that it won't be perfect, and that's OK.  And that how we feel about our experiences, and what they teach us, continues to grow and evolve with the passing of time.

As my last post indicated, our time in Nepal as a team had been wonderful.  Filled with old and new relationships, being greatly encouraged and challenged by the faith of our Nepali brothers and sisters in Christ, as well as the missionaries over there, and absolutely overwhelmed by their open arms in sharing their lives with us, both the joys and the struggles.  We had our eyes opened to life in a culture significantly different from our own, and were able to see even a glimpse into the amazing things God has been, and is, doing in Nepal - particularly over the last 60 years.

We also grew very close as a team.  We shared jokes (so many!), songs, sickness, tiredness, stories, food, games, thoughts, encouragements, fun... we shared life.  Trips like this can be such a joyful, intense experience of closeness and shared experiences.  This was certainly what we found!  I found myself growing so sad to leave Nepal once again. Sad to stop living with the people in our little short-term team that I'd so grown to love.

We'd had a week in Surkhet and a week in Pokhara.  On January 13th, the five of us hopped onto a mini-van for our trip back to Kathmandu, where we'd spend a few days, and then back to Australia.  It had been a good trip!  Everyone was feeling well, and we were taking photos, laughing, singing songs and having little naps.  But at around 3pm in the afternoon, our mini-van was hit by a bus coming in the opposite direction.  It hit the right side of our vehicle, just behind the driver's seat.  Two of my friends on the team were seriously injured, and one of my friends died.

The few brief moments after the impact are still so clear to me.  A huge smash of glass, followed by a confused and almost eerie silence.  The engine had stopped, so suddenly.  No one was crying out.  It was only when I spun around to my right, to try to even work out what had just happened, that I started to realise.  From that moment, there was a lot more noise and chaos, and by God's grace alone, surrounded by his provision and his arms of comfort, we were somehow able to get through the strange, grief-filled, unreality of the next five days. 

It's hard to put words to the events, thoughts and emotions of the last five months.  Deep sorrow at the loss of our beautiful, sweet, dearly-loved friend.  Yet knowing comfort, peace and a deep, rich joy in the certain knowledge of where she is.  Sharing what would have been her 24th birthday with her family, really struggling with the fact that I was there and she wasn't.  Sadness in watching my other friends on the team come to terms with their injuries - physical and emotional... yet such thankfulness and encouragement at their strong faith in their Saviour.  Weird feelings of sadness and guilt that my life has somehow returned to being mostly "normal" after all that's happened.  Knowing that her beautiful family still deeply feel the absence of their treasured daughter and sister every single day.  Feeling like every day I now live is on borrowed time... then realising I've been living on borrowed time all along. I just know it now.  Knowing in a much more visceral way that God is in control.  All things are in his hands... and he loves us.  I've seen anew the power of prayer.  God hears, and answers.  We've felt God's arms around us, comforting us, and reminding us of who he is.  And he is good.  

Unspeakably, unceasingly good.

But I think the biggest thing I've learnt is the gospel.  All over again, and so much deeper.  This is a sad world, broken by sin... and none of us knows the number of our days.  My friend was beautiful, smart, kind and full of promise.  We all feel deep down that death is wrong.  Horribly wrong.  But that is why Jesus Christ came, lived, died for us, and rose again.  And because he is risen, my friend who trusted in his name alone, is with him right now.  She's with Jesus, free of sorrow, pain and suffering, and will be forever and ever.  This is why we tell people about Jesus!  This is the beauty and hope of the gospel.

We sang Brooke Fraser's "Desert Song" a lot on our trip.  Not everyone on the team even knew it at the start, but it seemed to become a really special song for us.  I'll always remember my friend's sweet voice singing it.  We were singing it together in a hospital room a couple of days before heading back to Australia...  It was emotional, but we were reminded that, as children of the living God, "this is our prayer in the fire; through weakness or trial or pain - there is a faith proved of more worth than gold.  So refine me Lord, through the flame."  

It's exactly five months today since the accident.  

Sending you our love, my precious friend, and sister in Christ.  We all miss you so much, and will always remember you.  I'm so thankful to God for you, and all he did in and through you.  I am so looking forward to the day when I see you again.

All of our lives, in every season, he is still God, and we have a reason to sing... 

we have a reason to worship.  

We really do.

A Week In Nepal

How that week has flown!  It's hard to believe that we've already been in Nepal for just over a week.  Yet, at the same time, I feel like we've been here forever.

We spent the first week in Surkhet - a district in the hills of Western Nepal.  We had the opportunity to see around the INF clinic, which specialises in treating and rehabilitating patients with leprosy, as well as disabilities, particularly spinal cord injuries.  Many Christian Nepalis work there, as well as a few expats.  Leprosy treatment and rehabilitation is a long road.  Often there is permanent damage, including loss of sensation and nervous function, as well as damage particularly to the hands and feet when people with leprosy continue to function despite loss of sensation.  INF does a fantastic job of rehabilitating patients. After and during the long months of antibiotic treatment, people are taught to care for their hands and feet - including how to soak them daily, and check them over for ulcers or other damage, as early detection makes a huge difference.  The clinic also has a small room set up like a typical Nepali village house, so patients can practice learning to cook and do household work again.  They are also taught handicraft and other skills, so they are able to run their own small business selling things, so they can have an income again.  Sometimes, it must just seem like such small, slow achievements, but it makes all the difference to a life - to a person, a family and even a community.

There's a little board on the wall in the office at the INF clinic, where a few of the staff members have shared stories that have touched or encouraged them.  One of the staff members shared a story of a man with a high level spinal cord injury, who had been told he wouldn't be able to work or live without assistance again.  After long years of physio and rehab treatment, he was finally able to start doing things, including feed himself and work with his hands and arms.  He started to cry at breakfast one morning, and this staff worker asked why.  He answered, "I never thought I would be able to eat like this again.  Thank you so much, sister!"  The staff worker commented that in Nepal, the little things can mean EVERYTHING.  I think we've seen a lot of truth in that..

Something else that has been really encouraging is to see the community response to Christians, even out in more remote areas.  Nepali people have been referred to the INF clinic by their friends because "they are Christians, and they will listen to you and take care of you".  There is a reputation of care and compassion - even when there's not much that can be offered in a health sense - non-Christian Nepalis are seeing and responding to this.  Praise God!

We've also had the wonderful opportunity to attend a devotion/Bible study at the clinic, youth group on a Friday afternoon, a ladies Bible study/prayer meeting and a small Nepali village church on Saturday.  These have been precious times of fellowship with brothers and sisters in Christ, despite language and cultural barriers. Maybe even more special because of it. At all of these Christian gatherings, one or more of our team was invited to share a testimony. Their desire to share their lives and stories with us, as well as wanting to hear stories of how God has been working in our lives has been really touching and encouraging for our whole team. I remember a blog post on my church's website following a similar short-term trip, about the beauty and value of "mutual encouragement". That's been a really significant experience for us, and we're so thankful to God for the way that he enables and works through his worldwide church that that might happen, for his glory.

Thanks for all those faithfully praying for us! Thankful for your partnership with us. Much love to you all!

P.S. Would love to upload some photos! Just can't work out how. Hopefully soon!

Nepal-bound.

In a few short hours, a small team of us will be flying to Nepal for a CMS GoExplore short-term mission trip.  CMS runs a few of these GoExplore trips each year, to a gradually increasing number of countries.  The purpose of these GoExplore trips is multi-faceted...  but they provide the opportunity to visit another country, to see what local ministry looks like, to get a feel for what it's like to live, work and serve in a different culture, to help you consider whether or not you could serve long-term in a cross-cultural context, to serve, encourage and help wherever possible, and maybe most of all, to be challenged and changed, and to personally grow in light of what God is doing amongst our brothers and sisters who may have a different language, culture and lifestyle. In a nutshell.

You can check out what CMS is about here.

So, we are the team going to the beautiful country of Nepal!  Five of us are going... and all getting pretty excited by now!!  I lived in Nepal for six months from August 2011 until February 2012, and I am so unbelievably thrilled to be heading back.  I still can't quite believe I have the opportunity to return so soon. Thank you God.

You may be asking, "so, what will you be doing over there?"  Excellent question.  I'll update what we get up to on this blog throughout the trip.  But it sounds like we'll have the opportunity to see and get a little involved with a few different things, including church-related activities, investing in relationships, checking out some of the health and development work going over there, and a few other things.  More to come...

For much of the time, we'll be doing most things alongside expatriate cross-cultural workers who work under an organisation called the International Nepal Fellowship (INF).  I had a lot to do with INF last time I was in Nepal, and they're a fantastic organisation, founded on solid Christ-centred principles, and with a real heart to see God glorified and people cared for in the name of Jesus.

You can check out what INF is about here.

INF have published a series of videos, which give a snapshot of some of the work that they're doing in Nepal.  Here's just one beautiful, touching story:

We leave late tonight from Brisbane International Airport.  If you'd like to pray for us, please pray that God would go before us throughout our trip, that we might be humble and teachable; ready to listen, learn and change as God grows in us his heart for the nations and the lost.  Also that we might shine the light of Jesus, wherever we are and whatever we're doing!  Also please pray for the work of CMS, and INF.

Hope you all have a great Saturday night!  Now, as one of my friends described it:  to the land of mountains and lentils! 

Beauty, Truth and Music

Do you ever have times when you feel like you've lost all confidence in who you are?  When you feel hopeless and defeated in the battles you're trying to fight - and start to feel the ache of doubt and fear that you are really accepted or loved... or even worthy of love?

I do.  It can be tough.  But the beauty of trusting in Jesus is that I am accepted and loved and worthy.  And this acceptance and love and worth is not because of me or anything I've done, it's because of what Jesus has done on the cross.  Which never changes.  However I'm feeling, or however much I mess up.  If it depended on me, what a shaky roller-coaster ride my salvation and assurance would be!  What joy and peace lies in knowing Jesus is the solid, unchanging basis of my worthiness.  Yet how easily I seem to forget even this incredible truth, in the midst of my failure, weakness and emotion.  So, I'm incredibly thankful for the Bible, for times of prayer, and for the counsel of good friends - all of which remind me of what the truth is.

Lately (and always!) I've also been finding music an incredible reminder of where my hope lies, and a way ti have truth living in my heart day-to-day.  Thank you, God, for artists who evidently share my very same struggles, thoughts and battles, and write music about them... and whose songs remind us of the Truth with which we fight these battles, and that we already have victory, because of Jesus.  Jason Gray is one artist that I absolutely love, for so many of his songs deal with the struggles I find myself in over and over again.  This song is really precious to me at the moment.

Tell me once again who I am.

The Practice of Art

"I can't draw!"

How often have you heard this phrase spoken by anyone beyond their primary school years?  Whenever the topic of drawing or painting comes up, I invariably hear this.  (Frequently, from my own lips.)  I've certainly never felt like I was particularly talented in the area of visual arts.

But I was challenged about this recently.  The comment was made that adults will often say that they can't draw... but in fact, it truly is a learnable skill.  Any primary school child can draw!!  Particularly in the early years, that's just what they do; it's how they express themselves.  But as the school years progress, we start to use primarily words and numbers...   Pursuing visual art and music etc is a choice made by but a few - presumably the artistically interested and skilled.  Yet, like most things, drawing and painting can and need to be practised... and they can be learned.  In fact, exercising creativity in this way engages different parts of the brain and helps to keep the brain active, as well as being a pretty cool form of relaxation and leisure.

I've also been convicted of the importance of having the humble confidence to just try it... and to not be crippled by fear and pride, sometimes to the point of not even feeling able to start!  With art (similarly to most things in life), you'll make mistakes; some drawings will look ridiculous and, most likely, make people laugh.  You may never be as good as others, or as good as you'd like.  This always gets harder as we get older... we're adults now, and we like to pick things up right away.  We don't like feeling like children... like beginners.  But I think that's part of the value of pursing things like this - being willing to learn and grow.  Being willing to set aside our need to look competent.  We can then learn to explore things, to exercise abilities God has given us, to be creative, and to enjoy the world God has placed us in.

So.  On the weekend I pottered down to the beautiful, familiar waterfront near where I grew up and still live today - and I gave it a crack.  And yep, definitely made me laugh!  But I loved doing it.  Solitude by the bay;  relaxed yet focused.  It made me pay attention to the small everyday details around me like never before (although you wouldn't think it from the accuracy of the final result!!)  And I think paying attention is something that has real value.  Anyway, here it is...  to encourage others to have a go!  Do it.

You can get cheap art supplies at Crazy Clarks.

Enjoy.

EXACTLY THE SAME.  ;)

Hello Summer!

Summer is coming!  OK, I know it's still officially Spring for another two-and-a-bit months.  But it just feels like things are really warming up around here already...  it may be Spring, but Summer is definitely coming.

My little confession:  I've been a Winter Girl my entire life.  I adore Winter.  The crisp, clear blue skies;  rugging up in extra layers, and adding extra quilts at night;  the early sunsets, with shorter days and longer nights;  long, virtually sweat-free runs in the afternoon;  endless cups of tea;  hot dinners;  the tingly sensation of the cold air caressing your skin.  Winter is just beautiful.  But my love for Winter has typically led to my greeting Summer, with her long, hot, sticky days and warm nights, with a little sigh of resignation.

In the last couple of years, I've seen so much truth and beauty in the idea of "seasons" in life.  Life definitely has seasons.  These seasons can be defined by many different things... often by change.  Such as changes in our location, job / study / activities, emotional outlook, ministry, spiritual growth or dryness, or key relationships.  And others!  Yet, so often, we don't or can't recognise the season we're in, until the time comes where we can look back and see where we've been. See where God has led us - what we've learnt and how we've grown.  It's now so clear to me that every single season is beautiful.  Whichever it is, and whatever it brings.  Some seasons are full of pain, suffering, guilt, hopelessness.  Yet, even (especially?) in the midst of seasons like these, God is working in our hearts to teach and refine us...  flowing into the right kind of beauty, at the right time.

So.  Maybe it's all of these thoughts that keep swimming around my mind, but for the last couple of years, I'm seeing a lot more of the beauty of Summer, and am much happier to see her come back to stay for a few months.  I'm still sorry to see Winter go...  but genuinely excited about the arrival of Summer!

To celebrate, I thought I'd do a little List.

My Five Favourite Things About Summer
5.  Christmas... holidays...  a new year and new resolutions.  As soon as the weather starts to warm up, my mind starts to wander with excitement and anticipation towards these things.

4.  Flowers.  I love flowers!!!  How the world of Spring and Summer is filled with their happy, unassuming, sweet presence.  They also remind me of Matthew 6:28-30, and of God's care and provision for us.

3.  Summer dresses.  Of all the clothes I could ever wear, I think pretty, colourful, often-flowery dresses are my absolute favourites.  Sometimes I try to keep wearing them in winter with a jumper, but people usually find it a little weird, and express concern for my bodily thermal regulation and health.  So.  Definitely love pretty summer dresses in Summer.

2.  Conviviality.  The warmer months just feel friendly and convivial! It's easier to jump out of bed, and get out and about.  Heading early to the beach to watch the sunrise and eat brekky together.  The Wynnum Wading Pool once again filled with water, and soon afterwards with little bodies clothed in pink frilly togs and Ben 10 boardies.

1.  Driving at night with the windows down, the music up, and balmy air blowing your hair into knots. 100% happiness.

These are but a few!  I'm thoroughly enjoying the journey into this new season of the year... as well as the opportunity to reflect also on the seasons of faith and life.

What are your favourite things about Summer?

Music Monday #4

I'm a bit of a blog fangirl at the moment.  I love reading the blogs of friends...  the thought that goes into them, the chance to wade a little deeper into the ocean of musings, opinions and reflections... as well as the chance to share cool things like recipes, hairstyles, general interest stories about pretty much anything etc etc; as well as just to share what life has been bringing lately.

I try to keep track of a few blogs and websites about music, particularly Christian music.  Someone I discovered a little while back via blog was Audrey Assad, an American singer-songwriter.  Her music is memorable and beautiful, and her lyrics are God-glorifying and saturated with Biblical truth that I just love having floating around in my head.  Her latest album is "Heart".  Highly recommended!

One song that is resonating deeply with my heart at the moment is "O My Soul".
I am so convinced of the value of preaching the words and promises of our Father to ourselves.  Circumstances, emotions, the whispers of Satan, our idols, hardships...  so many things can start to threaten our trust in God, if we allow them.  But the God of the Bible is faithful.  He's absolutely true to his word, and we can stand by faith in his promises... none more so than the promise we have in Jesus.

So, whatever the season in which we find ourselves, remembering the Word of God, and reminding our own souls of the hope and life we have in Jesus is just so important.
The Psalmists knew this.

Why are you cast down, O my soul,
     and why are you in turmoil within me? 
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
     my salvation and my God.  (Psalm 42:5-6a)

For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence,
    for my hope is from him.
He only is my rock and my salvation,
    my fortress; I shall not be shaken.  (Psalm 62:5-6)

Audrey's song, "O My Soul", is a precious illustration of preaching truth to your soul.  So, for this reason, I'm keeping the words of this song, as well as the words of my Father, tucked deep in my heart.

Your worries will never love you
They'll leave you all alone
But your God will not forsake you
O my soul.

Don't lie to yourself, O my soul...  just love your God.
 

Another reminder of all this is a fantastic worship song we've just started singing at church...  Where we declare:  We will stand as children of the Promise.  We will fix our eyes on Him, our soul's reward.  'Til the race is finished and the work is done, we'll walk by faith, and not by sight.    

 

I love Jesus.  Yet everyday I struggle to stand firm in Him alone, amidst the pull of my own pride, idols and fears.  But I'm fighting to always hold His truth before my eyes.  To really live as a child of His great promise in Jesus.  For I can have complete confidence in His promises, and that it's in His strength that I fight...  and there's nothing that is more worth fighting for.  Will you join me?